is my grammar and punctuation correct

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  I am not uncertain that I want to pursue a career in nursing. Nursing is exactly the type of professional challenge I been seeking all my life. I have the understanding of nursing and its advantages and challenges. I'm ready to overcome any circumstances, some are unpleasant, but I also know the benefit of working as a nurse will outweigh the challenges. I know that the career I have chosen is physically and emotionally difficult and often does not get credit it deserve , but I have witness first hand and the impact nurses have on patients life. During my voluntary work at Mercy Fitzgerald Hospital, I realized that it is absolutely the personal impact of a care giver that is most rewarding and satisfying. I know that this is a profession that would accredit me to develop my care giver skills and provide utmost quality of care to my future patients. I am looking forward to becoming a full-time student of nursing. By doing this I will begin to fulfill my dreams and my responsibility to the medical professions. I am a person that has all personality traits needed for nursing. I am patient, helpful, trustworthy, kind, understanding, and compassionate ,organized and observing. I can listen to people and they like sharing their thought with me. I want to be able to fulfill my dreams and learning at Augustana would help me accomplished that, because it is the top rated nursing school in Sioux Falls South Dakota. Augustana have all the opportunity and benefit I’m seeking in the nursing career.            

asked Mar 30 '12 at 17:05 nana New member

2 answers


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The first thing I see is a glaring double negative in the beginning.  Being "not uncertain" means that you are certain.  Since that looks like your intended meaning, you would do best to make that change.

 

Then I find you left out a helper verb.  To use the perfect past tense, you need an auxillary verb.  So rather than "I been," you would do better to say, "I have been," or "I've been."

 

You may wish to change "some are unpleasant" to "some of which are unpleasant."  You probably don't need both "witnessed" and "first hand."

 

I find various agreement issues (using singular form for plural) and places where different words might make more sense.  I also find missing articles (the).

 

In one sentence, you used and twice in your list.

 

If you are writing this as a resume, it is common practice to not use the word "I."

 

Here are the changes I would make:

 

I am certain that I want to pursue a career in nursing. Nursing is exactly the type of professional challenge I have been seeking all my life. I have the understanding of nursing along with its advantages and challenges. I'm ready to overcome any circumstances, some of which are unpleasant, but I also know that the benefit of working as a nurse will outweigh the challenges. I know that the career I have chosen is physically and emotionally demanding and often does not get the credit it deserves, but I have witnessed the impact nurses have on patients lives. During my volunteer work at Mercy Fitzgerald Hospital, I realized that it is the personal impact of a care giver that is most rewarding and satisfying. I know that this is a profession that would help me to develop my care giver skills and provide the utmost quality of care to my future patients. I look forward to becoming a full-time student of nursing. By doing this, I will begin to fulfill my dreams and my responsibility to the medical professions. I have the personality traits needed for nursing, including patience, helpfulness, trustworthiness, kindness, understanding, compassion, organization, and observation. I can listen to people, and they like sharing their thoughts with me.  Learning at Augustana would help me fulfill my dreams because it is the top rated nursing school in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Augustana has all the opportunity and benefit I’m seeking in the nursing career.

 

Edit:  Care giver might actually have a hyphen in it, like care-giver.

link comment edited Apr 03 '12 at 06:14 Courtney Contributor
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also choose a major; you can do, so when you can are doing the assignment for the class it's not too hard for you.

link comment answered Dec 04 '12 at 20:46 viviana atempa New member

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