Does this "grabber" sentence make sense??


Does this make sense? I'm starting a paper on Poe and why he is relevent to American literature. I wanted a good grabber sentence but I keep re-reading it and I'm not sure if my proffesor would appreciate me trying to connect this metaphor to poe's literature. 


If a great script can create a movie with the capacity to babysit a kid, and a great record can create peace in a mind filled with distress, than a great short story can create a most weary a mind transform into a powerful hero on cue.

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It is a very long sentence that takes a great amount of concentration to understand. I had to read it a few times to figure out what you were trying to say. That is due, in part, to the errors. The entire last part, which I think is supposed to be the "grabber" part, starts with than instead of then (a common, but annoying, error) and has words put together in a way that makes no sense. I am sorry to say that even without the errors, it is much too long to grab anyone's attention.

link comment edited Dec 06 '13 at 10:34 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

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