How could this be worded differently? Research paper

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This is a research paper, how could you re work this sentence so its accurate for prepositions?

See example:

This agonizing bloom of algae that is like inhaling a chemical leaving you gasping for air, is this affecting our beaches, the fresh fish we consume the economy for fishermen's income, is that at stake also?
asked Dec 02 '13 at 03:22 Sherri Filipiak New member

1 answer


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You have a lot of problems with this sentence - none of which have to do with prepositions.  Does the algae actually cause extreme pain or mental anguish (agonizing)?  The simile  with a chemical being inhaled is somewhat complicated and unclear.  You are combining several sentences and questions all together.  "The freshfish we consume the economy" makes no sense at all. 

 

When writing for a research paper, one might include a question in the introduction to draw the reader in.  It seems like you are trying to be creative and somewhat entertaining.  Since you have difficulty, I recommend sticking to a more formal thesis statement rather than trying to evoke emotion about the subject. 

link comment answered Dec 02 '13 at 03:54 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

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