Faulty Parallelism

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Why is there a faulty parallelism on the sentence below?

After reading the story, it opened my eyes to the horror of Holocaust, and it served as further evidence, that war and torture are not solutions to any problems at all.

See example:

After reading the story, it opened my eyes to the horror of Holocaust, and it served as further evidence, that war and torture are not solutions to any problems at all.
asked Mar 28 '12 at 04:17 Cenen gozun New member

1 answer


1

The first thing to do is to get rid of the last comma.  That way it is clear that "further evidence" belongs to the same clause as the rest of the sentence.  A compound sentence should have a similar structure in both parts, and the same subject should not be repeated.  The comma makes the checker think you are changing tense.

 

Then get rid of the dangling modifier, "reading the story."  To do that, either make "story" the subject or tell who read the story.  Fixing this also helps with the previous problem.  Thus 2 small edits correct up to 4 errors.

 

Here are several ways to fix it:

 

"The story really opened my eyes to the horror of Holocaust, and served as further evidence that war and torture are not solutions to any problems at all."

 

"The story really opened my eyes to the horror of Holocaust.  It served as further evidence that war and torture are not solutions to any problems at all."

 

"After I had read the story, it opened my eyes to the horror of Holocaust, and served as further evidence that war and torture are not solutions to any problems at all."

 

"The story really opened my eyes to the horror of the Holocaust, and served as further evidence that war and torture solve nothing."

link edited Mar 31 '12 at 07:37 Courtney Contributor

Thank you Courtney....

Cenen gozunMar 28 '12 at 14:08

Thank you! Oh, I found a way to make it even more concise. You could change "are not solutions to any problems at all" to "solve nothing."

CourtneyMar 28 '12 at 17:04

Also, if you are referring to the German Holocaust, then you would need the definite article "the" in front of it. If you mean any holocaust in general, then you would not use an article nor capitalization.

CourtneyMar 28 '12 at 17:07

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