How would you re-word the sentence below?

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In my current work setting, I am one of the older and more experienced teachers There are a few young teachers who are married and have children.

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In my current work setting, I am one of the older and more experienced teachers There are a few young teachers who are married and have children.
asked Mar 26 '12 at 04:07 Consuella Johnson-Caldwell New member

I am dyslexic and I would also put the prepositional phrase at the end, not the beginning of the first sentence. I am an older, more experienced teachers in my workplace. There are approximately 2-5 young teachers who are married and have children.( I would find out or replace 'a few' with an estimate.)

Moira CroleyMar 26 '12 at 22:29

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6 answers


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There is nothing wrong, grammatically, with your sentences.  But several stylistic improvements could be made.

 

"work setting" is business jargon. "workplace" is more concise and direct. "one of the" is usually redundant and might be be deleted (or reworded to be more precise). "a few" is vague and might be changed to be more precise.

 

"In my current workplace, I am older and more experienced than most teachers. There are several young teachers who are married and have children."

 

Hope this helps.

link comment answered Mar 26 '12 at 05:40 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow
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There's nothing wrong with the grammar, but I am not sure of the connection between the two sentences, since it seems like there should be a contrast between you as an older, more experienced teacher, and the  younger ones who are married and have children. Are you more experienced because you are neither married nor have children, or are they less experienced because they are married with children? Also, you say you are older and more experienced than "most", but then you say there are "a few" young teachers, though it seems that the modifier should be "most" or
"several". Also, what "work setting" has teachers as the main kind of employee? I'd say "school" (or whatever it is) rather than "work setting".

 

My revision would be something like this: "In the school where I work, I am older and more experienced than most teachers. Most of the other teachers are married younger people with children."

link comment answered Mar 26 '12 at 22:41 James New member
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 At my school I am one of the older and more experienced teachers. A few of the younger teachers are married and have children.

 

You have a run-on sentence that should be split into two.  "Current work setting" can be narrowed down to one word. "There are a few" is a bit wordy and should be shortened.

link comment edited Mar 26 '12 at 23:40 Joe New member
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Thank you; issue resolved.

link comment answered Mar 29 '12 at 02:48 Consuella Johnson-Caldwell New member
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Apart from a fullstop after teachers, the sentences are grammatically correct. How you reword them depends on the reasons for wanting to do so. It is interesting that you mentioned that the young teachers are married and with children. Do you, perhaps, want to highlight the fact that some of the older teachers are unmarried and/or without children?

link comment answered Apr 06 '12 at 09:40 A Clil To Climb Contributor
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"I am one of the oldest and most experienced teachers": when you say "one of the" this is followed by the superlative, not by the comparative (in the comparative it would be "I am older and more experienced than other teachers").

As for the rest, I am not sure of what exactly you would like to change: it looks fine to me. Maybe some context would help us understand your doubts.

 

Just one thing: when you say "a few" do you really mean "more than a small number" or do you mean "a small number of teachers"? (I am asking only because some people get confused with "few" and "a few").

link comment answered Apr 06 '12 at 14:53 alessandra New member

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