Coordinating an event

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I am working with someone on putting together a transportation plan, and would like to say: as we work together to establish a transportation plan....

See example:

In an effort to put together a transportation plan for students as I gather commitments for their attendance to the event on Thursday, I need your input.
asked Nov 10 '13 at 13:18 Kayla R. Hogan New member

2 answers


1

You really have two introductory clauses -- "In a effort ,,," and "as I gather ..," -- mashed together into a single sentence. Perhaps you need to express this as two separate sentences. "As you know, I am working to develop a student transportation plan. I need you input as I gather commitments ..." I hope this helps.

link comment answered Nov 11 '13 at 16:17 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow
1

Actually, Jeff,

"In an effort" is a prepositional phrase.

"to put together a plan" is an infinitive phrase acting adjectivally to modify the noun "effort".

"for students" is a prepositional phrase acting adjectivally to modify the noun "plan".

 

You are correct that "as I gather" is his first (dependent) clause; however, he did not 'mash' two clauses together. 

It is the only dependent clause in his sentence, and I thought it did a fantastic job of showing temporal concurrence with the introductory -phrase-.

 

Also, he was correct in using "an effort" and not "a effort".

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To return to the question.

 

If you do rephrase your sentence as "As we work together to establish...", you WILL have the exact problem Jeff alluded to; two introductory adverb clauses.

 

You would have to alter the second adverb clause for continuity:

"As we work together to establish a transportation plan for students and gather commitments for attendance to the event..."

As you can see I eliminated the second dependent clause entirely and formed a compound predicate.

This would be one way of accomplishing the alteration you requested.

 

Peace,

-AP

link comment edited Nov 12 '13 at 02:22 Aaron Prejean Expert

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