comparing

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whats wrong with this sentence

See example:

Just as Helen and Jane's friendship has grown stronger Helen dies young and innocent of consumption.
asked Nov 08 '13 at 00:17 elizabeth smith New member

Have not has

sameh elsayed menisyNov 08 '13 at 17:01

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1 answer


1

Fix verbage:

Remain in simple present or present-perfect, but not both:

...grows stronger, Helen dies..."

 

Follow introductory adverb clause with a comma (between stronger and Helen).

 

What does their growing friendship have to do with Helen dying young?

There could be a correlation, but you have not displayed it.

 

"innocent of consumption"--not sure you have the correct word choice here...

"dying young" and "consumption" in the same sentence are going to draw correlaries to intelligent people such as myself--I seriously think you need to change "consumption".

link comment edited Nov 08 '13 at 00:53 Aaron Prejean Expert

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