In fact, I was not matured enough to look after my sister at that age. But I had Hobsons’s choice. I used to manage both my studies and the household chores at the age of 10. There was a time where I was taken care of by my mother with all her love and care on me. I thought they would all be with me forever. But it all just became a dream when I replaced my mom’s position in looking after my younger sister.
Frankly speaking, even though I was not matured enough to look after my sister at that tender age, I had no choice but to accept it as a challenge and move on with the life. Besides looking after my sister, I had to study and do household chores as well. There was a time when I was taken care of by my mother with all her love and affection, which I thought would continue forever all through my life. It all became a dream when the time came to shoulder my mother’s burden.
"But I had Hobson's choice; I..."
These sentences clearly need to be joined.
Also, I don't think you did a good job of identifying Hobson's choice.
Further, I don't think that you had Hobson's choice about your "chores", so I don't think that should be included in the application.
If you had an apathetic parent, you might have had "Hobson's choice" in dealing with your studies.
Honestly, while it is a nice term to use, I think you should omit it.
There was a time when- not where.
"there was a time when I was taken care of by my mother with all her love and care"
I don't like the repition of "care"
Use "love and devotion" instead or "love and affection" as you did in the second paragraph.
"...be with me forever, but it all..."
"I replaced my mom’s position in looking after my younger sister"
reads so awkwardly to me and is your concluding sentence.
I know you can come up with a stronger conclusion.
I will let someone else help with Paragraph 2.
If no one does, I will try to remember to come back and view this later.
|link||edited Nov 03 at 21:57 Aaron Prejean Expert|
"at that tender age"
at what tender age? I don't see it.
"at the tender age of __" instead
"move on with the life"
You will either say "move on with life" or "move on with my life"
"as well" is redundant and can be omitted.
"which I thought would continue all through my life" feels like an incomplete thought.
This could be corrected by making it a compound sentence with the subsequent, related, idea:
"...would continue all throughout my life , but it all became a dream..."
|link||edited Nov 04 at 23:50 Aaron Prejean Expert|
Hero of the day
Person asked the most questions.