Better phrasing?

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I need help rephrasing the following sentence.  It sounds really awkward to my ears...

"For the past 5 years, I’ve taught a rigorous College Writing course to seniors with tremendous success."

asked Mar 21 '12 at 14:19 Erik Czerwin Contributor

5 answers


5

I believe the awkwardness here comes from the squinting modifier "to seniors".  In both the original and Rahul's suggestion, it is not clear whether the quality "tremendous success" belongs to the subject's teaching or to the seniors. What if we changed "with tremendous success" to "with low grade-point averages".  Because we understand that GPA is a quality that belongs to students and not teachers, we see past the awkwardness and understand the sentence. But, both teachers and students can have "success", so we puzzle over the meaning.

 

This awkwardness frequently occurs when the modifier is separated from its subject. I suggest relocating "with tremendous success" as either " ... been successfully teaching ..." or " ... been teaching, with tremdous success, a rigorous ..."

link comment answered Mar 21 '12 at 15:08 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow
1

For last 5 years, I've been teaching a rigorous College Writing course to seniors with  tremendous success.

link comment answered Mar 21 '12 at 14:28 Rahul Gupta Expert
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For all the reasons Jeff laid out, I recommend switching your sentence around to this:

 

For the past 5 years, I've had tremendous success teaching a rigorous College Writing course to seniors.

link answered Mar 21 '12 at 19:35 Actually Holly Expert

Jeff's analysis is correct and I agree with Holly's transformation.

Peter RosenbaumMar 22 '12 at 08:16

add comment
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"I’ve been teaching rigorous College Writing course to seniors with tremendous success for the past 5 years ."

 

Or maybe,

"With tremendous success, I’ve been teaching rigorous College Writing course to seniors for the past 5 years ."

link comment answered Mar 22 '12 at 01:24 Courtney Contributor
-2

hi i don't understand anything in grammar

link comment answered Mar 21 '12 at 19:32 nadinward New member

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