Grammar and usage, spelling and punctuation

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Your position on who’s responsibility it is to track your finical expenditures for the repair and upgrades I performed to your Moto Guzzi V50  is unacceptable. Without digressing with summarizing the details our discussion this afternoon, I will again firmly state, it was not my job or responsibility to supply you with any estimates or running balances of your invoice for the repair work and upgrades I performed to your Moto Guzzi V50, without you asking me for one. You need not arrange for or come pick up your  Moto Guzzi V50 at my shop tomorrow. Because you instructed me – “Please do not do any more work until we sort this out.” I have not completed the repairs to the failed DYNA electronic ignition.  The left side of the engine will not run until this repair is completed. Until you can make arrangements to pay your invoice in full I will put your Moto Guzzi V50 in clean and dry storage. For your records I have attached the final draft with totals of the repair order and your invoice. As always- I encourage you to ask questions and make comments.  

asked Mar 21 '12 at 01:33 john New member

2 answers


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Hello John, 
Clearly you are having some difficulty with a client. Below, is my suggestion for an edit of what you have submitted. However, I would urge you strongly not to send it. Things are already strained between you and this letter, and the phrasing within it, is liable to inflame the situation. Your client evidently owes you money and, in my experience, it's much easier to extract with a little sweetness rather than anger. Obviously, I don't know what has happened in the run up to this letter, and perhaps you have tried that already, in which case something stronger may indeed be what you need. 

 

Either way, I hope you manage to resolve the situation quickly! 

 

Your position on whose responsibility it is to track your financial expenditure for the repair and upgrades I performed to your Moto Guzzi V50  is unacceptable. Without digressing to summarize the details of our discussion this afternoon, I will again firmly state, it was not my job or responsibility to supply you with any estimates or running balances of your invoice for the repair work and upgrades I performed to your bike, without you asking me for one. You need not arrange to have your bike collected tomorrow. Because you requested, “Please do not do any more work until we sort this out,” I have not completed the repairs to the failed DYNA electronic ignition. The left side of the engine will not run until this repair is completed. Until you can make arrangements to pay your invoice in full, I will put your Moto Guzzi V50 in clean and dry storage. For your records I have attached the final draft, with totals of the repair order and your invoice. As always, I encourage you to ask questions and make comments.  

link comment answered Mar 24 '12 at 01:01 Siân Harris Expert
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Your position on whose responsibility it is to track your finical expenditures for the repair and upgrades I performed to your Moto Guzzi V50 is unacceptable. Without rehashing our discussion this afternoon, I will again firmly state it was not my job nor responsibility to supply you with any estimates or running balances of your invoice for the repair work and upgrades I performed to your Moto Guzzi V50. You did not ask me for one. You need not arrange for or come pick up your Moto Guzzi V50 at my shop tomorrow. That is because you instructed me – “Please do not do any more work until we sort this out.” I have not completed the repairs to the failed DYNA electronic ignition. Until I complete this repair, the left side of the engine will not run. Until you can make arrangements for paying your invoice in full I will put your Moto Guzzi V50 in clean and dry storage. For your records, I have attached the final draft with totals of the repair order and your invoice. As always, I encourage you to ask questions and make comments.

 

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I mainly got rid of the passive wording, replaced who's with whose, corrected a run-on sentence, and corrected a sentence fragment.  You may want to read this version carefully to see if your original meaning is preserved.

link comment edited Mar 22 '12 at 01:47 Courtney Contributor

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