American revolution

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It says this sentence is to wordy, but not sure how to change it?

See example:

The Intolerable Acts required the Colonists to provide food and a bed for the British soldiers staying in Boston and closed Boston Harbor until the Colonists could pay off the tea money.
asked Oct 04 '13 at 22:06 Story New member

1 answer


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You are listing two things that the Intolerable Acts did – required and closed.  But you have expanded upon each one in ways that aren’t parallel. This makes it wordy and a bit difficult to follow.  I had to read it a couple times to understand that it was not the colonists that closed the harbor.  There ae a couple ways you could go to fix this and add clarity. 

 

You could break it into two sentences.  But another problem is that the Intolerable Acts is a set of four acts.  One required and another closed.  Separating it into two sentences requires you to add something like “One of the Intolerable Acts required…” and “Another Act closed…”

 

One solution might be to actually name the two acts that you are talking about.  Though your sentence may still be long, it will add some parallelism. 

 

The Intolerable Acts included the Boston Port Act, which closed blah blah blah, and the Quartering Act, which required colonies to blah blah blah. 

 

If it is important for your paper, don’t miss the fact that the other two acts were more offensive to the colonists than the Quartering Act.  Also make sure your reader knows what you are talking about in context.  “Pay off the tea money” is not a phrase I would use.  The colonists destroyed the tea, which had a monetary value.  The Boston Port Act closed Boston Harbor until the British East India Company was repaid for the damages.  But there is no such thing as “tea money” if this is formal writing.  The Quartering Act is the one that required colonies to provide food and shelter to British soldiers.  Note that the acts affected the colonies, not the colonists.  Yes, the individual people were affected. But the acts were laws enacted upon the governing bodies – two for Massachusetts, and the other two for all colonies. 

link comment answered Oct 05 '13 at 05:26 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

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