Is the comma after "his liver turned to fat" a comma splice or is it right since I am listing?
In only 30 days of eating nothing but McDonalds the man gained 24.5 pounds, his liver turned to fat, his cholesterol went up 65 points, and his body fat percentage went from 11% to 18%.
This is a series of independent clauses.
Unfortunately, I do not know the applicable grammatical rule, so I will be ad-libbing with my not so inconsiderate grammatical knowledge (disclaimer):
My intuitive leap here would suggest to me that you might prefer to use semicolons between this list. Semicolons are used between a list when the list consists of so much content that it would be impractical to join them with commas or when it would lead to comma confusion. Semicolons can also be used to join independent clauses although it is usually used to join sentences with a causal link which is absent from your sentence.
All of that being said, I see no grammatical error that I would count against you with this sentence, but, if I did make a revision, it would be as this:
"In only thirty days of eating nothing but McDonalds, the man gained 24.5 pounds; his liver turned to fat; his cholesterol went up 65 points; and his body fat percentage went from 11% to 18%."
|link comment||edited Sep 27 '13 at 01:07 Aaron Prejean Expert|
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