I'm not sure how to use the pauses in this sentence, help?

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I am ending my MLA descriptive essay with this sentence. 

"Although, a caring man, my father is a slob, a stern, reliable, slob." 

Would this be incorrect? Or should I change it to: 

"Although, a caring man, my father is a slob, a stern . . . reliable . . . slob."

Please help.

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