can you check my sentences if it is right

0

Ms. Gillian Cotton
Customer Service Manager
New World Wakatipu

 

13 September 2013

 

Hi Ms. Gill,
       It’s me again needing your help about the late shift duty you’ve post on the Red book last Tuesday.
       I’ am willing to change my roster time to the late shift roster if possible, I enjoyed working as a checkout operator and It’s more lovely if I work as a fulltime hours, I was currently working for 38.50 hours, and it is an opportunity for me to grab the late shifts duty to have more working hours. And I’ve notice that the days of my day-off is still the same as my day-off.
 
 

   

asked Sep 12 '13 at 19:42 noel morales New member

1 answer


1

 It’s me again (This is unnecessary since the person reading the letter knows its your letter) needing your help about the late shift duty you’ve post on the Red book last Tuesday.
       I’ am (an apostrophe can be used to show that a letter (or letters) is missing; e.g., "I am" can be written as "I'm") willing to change my roster time to the late shift roster if possible, (comma splice: two complete sentences should not be joined with a comma) I enjoyed working as a checkout operator (comma missing here; a comma should be inserted before the conjunction that joins two independent clauses) and It’s more lovely if I work as (incorrect preposition) a fulltime hours, I was currently working for 38.50 hours, and it is an opportunity for me to grab the late shifts duty to have more working hours. And I’ve notice that the days of my day-off is still the same as my day-off.

 

 

Revised:

I need your help in getting the late-shift duty about which you posted in the Red book last Tuesday.
       I am willing to change my roster time to the late shift if possible. I enjoyed working as a checkout operator. Also, it will be better if I work fulltime, as I am currently working only 38.50 hours a week. So, being assigned the late shift will help me to have more number of working hours. Further, I’ve notice that the days on which I get a day off will remain the same as now.

 

Hope this helps!

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grammnnSep 14 '13 at 04:14

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