I would like to bring to your notice the poor condition of the drainage system in our locality. The drains are awfully neglected and are almost in ruins. Some of the drains and manholes have opened up. It is not only unhealthy but also dangerous and causes traffic hazards also. It is creating an extremely unhygienic environment because of the odour, the increasing mosquitoes, pigs, and other animals dwelling there. I think it’s about time the authorities wake up to take correct measures. I request you to resolve the problem soon.
The fourth sentence does not need the word also twice. The fifth sentence needs some clarity. "It" refers to the poor conditions. "There" seems to refer to the drainage system when you mention odor and mosquitoes. But are pigs and other animals living in the drainage system? Or they in the locality? All of the thing after "because of" are describing the conditions ("it"). You have already described them as poor and unhealthy. Unhygienic is a little far-reaching for me, it is more than unhealthy. I don't expect a street to be hygienic. Food and medicine, yes. I'd probably reorganize the third, fourth, & fifth sentences to explain what is unsafe and unhealthy.
I would not write or say "I request you to resolve." Instead, I would write "I request that you resolve" or "Please resolve."
|link||answered Aug 19 at 21:46 Patty T Grammarly Fellow|
I didn't find any issue in terms of grammar and style in your paragraph. However my teacher used to tell us about dividing it in three paragraphs.
The first contains the issue or problem you are talking about.
The second contains the problems caused by it or the conditions or description of the issue.
The third contains the follow up required.
|link||answered Aug 19 at 18:42 Rahul Gupta Expert|
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