I'm not for sure how to punctuate.
In addition, it is obviously of primary importance for these same educational institutions to make the surrounding community aware of the services they provide in order to develop, build and maintain the public participation and support that is essential for the growth of strong and viable secondary educational institutions.
I agree with Tolley. As a rule, if you feel wordy or awkward, look for the following things:
1 - verbs that you have changed to nouns. As an example, you have "of primary importance" where "important" or "very important" will say the same thing.
2 - words that don't add meaning to your sentence. As an example, "obviously." If it is obvious, you shouldn't have to state it. If it is not obvious, then you've talked down to us and told us that we're missing the obvious.
3 - multiple thoughts in the same sentence. Example: My dog is a good dog and I know that he is a good dog because he obeys my commands, like doing tricks whether I give him a treat or not. There are at least three sentences in there. It reads horribly. Break each thought into a new sentence: My dog is a good dog. He obeys my commands. He will do tricks whether I give him a treat or not. WAAY easier to read.
4 - passive sentences. Whenever the actor is not the subject of the sentence, a writer has to dance a little dance to get the sentence to make any sense. This usually requires extra words that we do not run into very often. Thankfully, you've avoided passive sentences here, but you may take a lesson from them. Everything is easier to read when your actor is your subject. It is also easier to read when your action is the primary verb. You've managed to avoid both with the subject and primary verb "it is." Your subject "it" isn't anything. Your verb "is" doesn't do anything. Start your sentence with your subject, follow it with an action, and you will have a much more readable sentence. Example: "It is a must that I get to work today." "I must get to work today." They say the same thing, but the second is less awkward.
|link comment||answered Feb 22 '12 at 17:57 Rik Kluessendorf Contributor|
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