please help with this modifier???
These camps will benefit teams that are searching for the right kicker to pick, as well as helping improve more than one kicker at a time.
The awkwardness I see comes in meanings and tenses.
"Searching for" and "to pick" are, in this context, the same thought. The team is trying to pick the right kicker. The team is searching for the right kicker. Why use them both? As it is written, the teams are trying to find a kicker who will pick something. It really becomes awkward.
Perhaps changing this to, "These camps will benefit teams that are searching for the right kicker," as your first part of the sentence would help.
When we get to the second half, you keep the same subject - "These camps" - but suddenly change your verb tense. No longer are you in the future tense ("will benefit"), now you are in a present tense ("helping"). That adds to the awkwardness. Pretend the second half of the first part doesn't exist (without, then, your transition):
"These camps helping improve more than one kicker at a time."
That clearly doesn't work. If you fix this, you've helped yourself greatly. Perhaps, "These camps will help" (reflecting your first tense choice) "improve more than one kicker at a time."
Now you can put the two together:
"These camps will benefit teams that are searching for the right kicker and help improve more than one kicker at a time."
Notice we took out the comma - keeping it in would require us to restate the subject into a different thought. This is not a different thought but a second action by the same subject. In its simplest terms, this is comparable to, "Spot will run and play."
|link comment||answered Feb 08 '12 at 16:33 Rik Kluessendorf Contributor|
Stop using question marks when making a statement. Questions are ended with question marks. "please help with this modifier???" can be ended with a period or an exclamation mark. Simply having 'please' in the sentence does not justify placing a question mark at the end. You have not asked a question, you have made a statement. Punctuate it acordingly.
|link comment||answered Feb 08 '12 at 18:46 Michael Montgomery New member|
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