PLease help

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would someone help me re write this sentence. I am talking about giving football lessons.

See example:

I understand what it takes to play at all levels, and I want to make sure you, the client, is well aware of what kind of preparation goes into training to get to your ultimate goal.
asked Feb 08 '12 at 16:13 Shane Andrus New member

2 answers


2

"I understand what it takes to play at all levels..." - perfectly fine, although I might stop that as its own sentence.

 

"I want to make sure you, the client, is well aware..." - here you have a verb agreement issue.  The client is identifying, as an aside, "you" in this sentence.  But that does not mean that you change the verb.  "You" will go with "are."  "The client" would go with "is."  But "The client" is not the noun that is acting - the actor is "you."  It should read "I want to make sure you, the client, are well aware..."

 

"of what kind of preparation goes into training to get to your ultimate goal." - this is correct, but weak.  You could strengthen this by being more direct.  "What kind of preparation" can also be changed to "the preparation," which is more direct and to the point.  "The preparation that goes into training" can be more direct as well.  "The preparation necessary for training..."  That level of being direct, however, might make you reorder the ending.  "The preparation necessary in training for your ultimate goal."

 

"I understand what it takes to play at all levels.  I want to make sure you, the client, are well aware of the preparation necessary in training for your ultimate goal."

link comment answered Feb 08 '12 at 16:47 Rik Kluessendorf Contributor
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I understand what it takes to play at all levels of football. My goal is to make sure that you, the client, are well aware of the kinds of preparation that go into training, in order to get to your ultimate goal.

link comment answered Feb 08 '12 at 19:01 Steven List Contributor

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