everyone waits around for their new phone to kick on for the next best thing that had come in stores.
Everyone waits around for their new phone updates to kick in for the next best thing that had come in stores.
"Everyone waits around..." - fine so far.
"for their new phone updates..." - here we begin to get into trouble. I'm not a big fan of using the pronoun "their" in this situation if you can avoid it. You may be better off saying "Everyone waits around for [the] new phone updates to..."
"to kick in..." - this starts to get ugly. You have a new phone update kicking. And what is it kicking? It is kicking in (or on). Kicking in / kicking on is probably a poor phrase to use here. It is acceptable in speech, but it doesn't translate to writing very well at all. I would suggest a different phrase that means what you want it to mean - perhaps "updates" is the best word to use, but you've already used it as a noun. Which leads to the question of why the need for a verb, "to kick in," at all.
"for the next best thing..." - if you take this how you wrote it, you are talking about the second best thing, not the newest best thing. If you mean the newest thing, say the newest thing. If you say both newest and best, as adjectives together, they need to be separated by a comma (both modify the word "thing"). However, if you say "newest," it might flow better to remove "the new" as a descriptor for "phone updates." We all can assume that any updates will be new ones, since they are "updates."
"that had come in stores." - this is an awkward way to say that the thing was the best thing from the stores. Just say that it was from stores.
"Everyone waits around for phone updates for the newest, best thing from stores."
|link||answered Feb 07 '12 at 04:54 Rik Kluessendorf Contributor|
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