improve sentence

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how I canimprove this sentence

See example:

Good logical reasoning and analytical skills helped me to make substantial contribution to the program, which earned me recognition by managers.
asked Feb 03 '12 at 10:00 tata New member

Thank you very much, I am new here and got much more then I hoped for. tataFeb 05 '12 at 07:06

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5 answers


1

I agree with both Dat and Jody:

 

The sentence needs to be rearranged, the article is necessary before "substantial contribution," and "good" is redundant.

 

To better explain Dat's point, consider what the sentence says by its existing structure.

 

"Good logical reasoning and analytical skills helped me to make substantial contribution to the program, which earned me recognition by managers."

 

1 - You have logical reasoning;

2 - You have analytical skills;

3 - Your reasoning and analytical skills helped you;

4 - With the help of those skills, you made a substantial contribution to the program;

5 - The program (not your contribution) earned you recognition by managers.

 

I think #5 is different than you probably intended it to be.

link comment answered Feb 03 '12 at 17:56 Rik Kluessendorf Contributor
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I think you should emphasize on the achievement, then explain why after. For example:

 

"I was recognized by managers for my good logical reasoning and analytical skills, which made a substantial contribution to the program."

link comment answered Feb 03 '12 at 15:33 Dat Lam New member
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I agree that it should be a substantial contribution.  May I suggest removing good?  Does bad logical reasoning exist?  Having good in there seems almost redundant. 

link comment answered Feb 03 '12 at 17:16 Jody M. Expert
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It looks fine to me.

link comment answered Feb 03 '12 at 13:41 Anna New member
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Ok, I'm new to this. Could it be... Good logical reasoning and analytical skills helped me to make an substantial contribution to the program, which, in return, earned me recognition by managers. Or Good logical reasoning and analytical skills helped me to make substantial contributions to the program, which, in return, earned me recognition by managers. This is without restructuring the sentence completely, as I would like to remove good or place correct ownership to the work. I'm only guessing though, new to this. Isn't "good logical reasoning..." assumed performed by the person? Could it be assumed that the team was the "good logic..." and therefore this person was recognized due to the "good logic.." of the team?
link answered Feb 04 '12 at 23:06 Di Henderson New member

Thank you very much, I am new here and got much more help then I hoped for. tataFeb 05 '12 at 07:05

You're welcome. Only due to this particular site, I need to correct your last comment. It's than, not then. Better than something. I'd rather do this than that. (common error) Life was better then. Until then, we will have to... Di HendersonFeb 05 '12 at 12:03

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