Is my text an essay or a phargrafh

0

I wrote Finally, his personal life. Is it possible to write this sentence?

See example:

However, his most crucial stage when he was playing in the two best soccer clubs in the world at the time which are Manchester United from 1993 to 2003 and Real Madrid from 2003 to 2007.
asked Jan 29 '12 at 14:29 Mohammed al New member

1 answer


1

I am definitely not a fan of trying to understand this post.  

 

First, I am not sure what a phargrafh is.

 

Second, if you are asking whether you can write the sentence "Finally, his personal life," I would say no.  That is not a sentence at all.  There is no verb.  There is no action to it.  It is simply a phrase.

 

Third, if you are looking for advice on the sentence in italics, I'll give it a shot.

 

"However" should only be used if you are contrasting something with what was said previously.  It is not a word that simply moves one sentence into another.  Your best bet is to eliminate the use of "however" unless you are actually making a contrast with something else you had just stated.  That leaves us with "His most crucial stage when he was playing..." we'll stop there.

 

That phrase has no verb either.  I'm assuming you've identified who "he" is at some point very recently in this work.  If not, I would suggest his name instead of "his."  I have no concept of soccer, so I'll make up a player - Prince Rodgers.  "Prince Rodgers's most crucial stage..." of what? development?  "Prince Rodgers's most crucial stage of development happened [your necessary verb] when he was playing for [players play for teams, not in them] the two best soccer clubs in the world at the time..."  Here you can break into a second sentence very meaningfully.  "Rodgers played for Manchester United from 1993 to 2003 and for Real Madrid from 2003 to 2007."

 

Thus:

 

"Prince Rodgers's most crucial stage of development happened when he was playing for the two best soccer clubs in the world at the time.  Rodgers played for Manchester United from 1993 to 2003 and for Real Madrid from 2003 to 2007." 

link answered Feb 01 '12 at 05:53 Rik Kluessendorf Contributor

thank u Rik :) I have anther question is it possible that someone do a prove reading to my essay? I really need it Mohammed alFeb 02 '12 at 15:14

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