Why is this incorrect?
How can you rephrase this sentence?
At the beginning of each game, the lights at the stadium are turned off and a big 17-foot mouth of shark is lowered down.
What direction would something be going if it were lowered? Down is the only direction, so to say lowered down is redundant. Also, you need a comma after off because and is joining two separate clauses.
If I were writing this sentence, it might look something like this --
Before the start of each game, the stadium lights are turned off, and a whopping 17-foot mouth of a shark is lowered.
Big didn't seem to be the right word to describe the colossal size of the shark's mouth.
|link comment||answered Jan 10 '12 at 13:02 Jody M. Expert|
I agree it is redundant to say "lowered down", and instead of "big" you could use "huge/massive". Finally, if you are more specific about the significance of the why the shark mouth is lowered into the stadium, the sentence would make more sense. I would rephrase the sentence to say:
At the start of each game, the lights are turned off and a massive 17-foot mouth of a shark is lowered into the stadium (to depict/signify/represent....).
|link comment||answered Jan 10 '12 at 17:57 Shaila Fernandes Expert|
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