how can i amend my mistake

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Introduction

As part of this week assignment I am composing my story essay about my friend Susanna who tried to commit suicide. My Story

In May 2001, my friend Susanna was admitted into St Christopher’s Hospital, a residential psychiatric facility in our school, after attempting suicide. She denies that it was a suicide attempt to a psychiatric, who suggests she take time to regroup in St Christopher’s hospital. Susanna is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and her stay extends to 10 months. Although she plans to stay only a few weeks, Susanna remains at St Christopher’s Hospital for one and half years. Susanna tells me the story of the people and experiences she encounters at St Christopher’s Hospital with the following patients Mrs. Polly, Anna, Peter and Georgina contribute to Susanna’s experience at St Christopher’s Hospital as she describes their personal issues and how they come to cope with the time they most spend in the hospital. Susanna also introduces particular staff members, including Valerie, Dr. Wilfred and Mrs. Asia. Susanna reflects on the nature of her illness, including difficulty making sense of visual pattern, and suggests that sanity is a falsehood constructed to help the “healthy” feel normal. One morning Susanna ask Dr. Wilfred in a large sound voice when I my living this hospital? Dr. Wilfred pretends he had nothing which makes Susanna to scream again by repeating her statement, Dr. Wilfred responds in the same voice! Young lady, can I help you? Or are you talking to me? Susanna answer! No!! I am talking to my Dead Father, and later said yes off course yes! I am talking to you Mr. doctor, a follow patients Mrs. Polly told Susanna , you shouldn’t have spoken so rude to Dr. Wilfred because he still taking care of you , is not right, you better apologies to the director, after three days Susanna find out that Dr. Wilfred is not attend to her any more and she apologies immediately. She also questions how doctors treat mental illness, and whether they are treating the brain or the mind. During her stay, Susanna undergoes a period of depersonalization, where she bite open the flesh on her hand after she becomes terrified that she has lost her bones which was okay now, Dr Wilfred told Susanna that she will be discharge in one week time, Susanna was very happy and she the hospital because no one know her in that hospital or some one who knows to well that will always tell her how long she was unconscious, and she fears that she has lost time after leaving St Christopher’s Hospital, Susanna mentions that she still kept in touch with Mrs. Polly, Anna, Peter and saw Mrs. Georgina, who was about to fry with her son back to her city.

Conclusion of the Story

In this story communicator, Mrs. Polly plays the role of communicator Ethical here, Why Dr. Wilfred play a role model in this story communicator because he help Mrs. Susanna by taking good care of her in recovering form her illness, I play the role of the narrator as a character of the story which play no part in the story, Mrs. Susanna play the story character actor, so why you reading this story now are playing the role of story reader.

References

NCA Credo for Ethical Communication 1999

Dobkin, B. A., & Pace, R. C. (2006) Communication in a Changing World (2nd Ed.) New York: McGraw Hill

Walden Writing Center. (n. d.) Plagiarism.

asked Dec 26 '11 at 13:11 Anthony Amaifeobu New member

1 answer


1

I ran it through Grammarly.  I found a number of things.

 

1.  Overly long and run-on sentences.  You need to break up some of the longer ones.  You seemed to have used commas in places of periods in a number of places.

 

2.  In one of your longest sentences, you need to delete "and she the hospital."  That seems like a place where you edited and didn't delete the old text there.

 

3.  Missing plural.  "Where she bite open" should probably be "where she bites open."

 

4.  Wrong words.  "Most spend" should probably be "must spend."  "Any more" should probably be "anymore."

 

5.  Wrong tense.  "No one know her" is not correct.  I think "knew" is the correct word.

 

This is all too long to really get into, but the biggest things I see is your run-on sentences and some text you forgot to delete after editing.  You should run it through Grammarly if you haven't already, since it gives many errors.  

link comment answered May 06 '12 at 12:37 Courtney Contributor

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