grammatical help

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can you help me rephrase this sentence.

See example:

To my shock I see her ripping off trach connected to her neck and tossing it on the floor.
asked Nov 29 '11 at 04:27 Anna New member

1 answer


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Anna,

I read this last night & have been trying to figure out what a "trach connected to her neck" might possibly be.  "Trach" is not a word in the English language, so I was baffled.  It just occurred to me that it might be an abbreviated slang term for whatever the thing is that is inserted in the neck of a person who had a tracheotomy.  Assuming that, I can now picture someone ripping something off that was connected to the neck.

 

You wrote your sentence in the present tense.  As it is, you really only need a comma after "to my shock."  But it still sounds awkward.  If the "trach" is what I described above, and the reader knows what it is, then you don't need to say it was connected to her neck.  If the reader doesn't know what it is, you should consider a separate sentence earlier that explains what it is and what it is called.  I believe that past tense is more commonly used in writing a narrative, so that's how I went with my rewrites. 

 

I was shocked when she ripped off her thingamajig and tossed it onto the floor. 

 

To my shock, she ripped the thingamajog from her neck and tossed it to the floor. 

link comment answered Nov 29 '11 at 16:52 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

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