Wordy sentence

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Please, review the following example: “The spreading of fast food restaurants which serve food rich in calories in Western countries has led to the prevalence of obesity and associated diseases in many parts of the world.”

asked Mar 30 '11 at 16:10 safa New member

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The biggest problem I see with this sentence is the misplaced modifier "in Western countries." If the calorie-rich foods are only served in Western countries, how does that lead to obesity and associated diseases in other parts of the world? I actually don't see how "in Western countries" fits in this sentence at all, though I think I understand what you're getting at.

 

My suggestion:

“The spread of Western-style fast food restaurants, which serve food rich in calories, has led to the prevalence of obesity and associated diseases in many parts of the world.”

link comment answered Mar 30 '11 at 16:26 Collane Ramsey Expert

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