wordiness

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The Roper Logan and Tierney type of nursing would suggest that the daily activities of living can be used as a tool when carrying out an assessment of the patient’s needs.

See example:

The model of nursing that I will use for this assignment was originally developed by Roper in 1976.
asked Sep 12 '11 at 18:22 geraldine New member

1 answer


1

What is your question?

There is nothing wrong with the sentence you have supplied in the example, though stylistically you could drop the "that". >> "The model of nursing I will use for this assignment was originally developed by Roper in 1976."

 

If your query is about the introductory statement, I would suggest the following:

  1. Insert a comma between Roper and Logan as they are two different people (different items in your list).
  2. I would probably change the word "type" to something more specific, perhaps "model" or "theory". This will give your writing a little more authority as it is a more technical term. 
  3. The phrase "the daily activities of living" can perhaps be stated more simply as, "daily living activities" (also dropping the "the"). This is largely a stylist comment and therefore entirely optional.
  4. More than one activity = more than one tool. Drop the "a" and add an "s" on the end.
  5. "carrying out an assessment of the patient’s needs" is passive and wordy. I would recommend changing it to simply "assessing the needs of patients" or "assessing patients' needs".
    Note also that your original apostrophe placement suggested the needs of only one patient. The apostrophe should be placed after the pluralising "s" to indicate possession by many. See this previous question on Apostrophe Use for more detail.

 

"The Roper, Logan and Tierney model of nursing would suggest that daily living activities can be used as tools when assessing patients' needs."

 

Hope that helps. If neither of those was your question, please would you re-ask, stating your query clearly.

link comment answered Sep 13 '11 at 12:07 Siân Harris Expert

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