essay, proper sentence usuage, what is wrong with my sentence?

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My Grandma always treated my mom as if she was not good enough, or she acted as if she was ashamed of her.

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My grandma always treated my mom as if she was not good enough, or she acted as if she was ashamed of her.
asked Jun 19 '13 at 14:20 shelley bilodeau New member

2 answers


1

Shelley, there are two main problems with your sentence: the conjunction or suggests that there are two mutually-exclusive possibilities (only one is true), but you mean that the two clauses together fully describe your grandma's attitude towards your mom.  So first of all, replace or with and.  Second, the pronoun references in the second clause (she acted....) are not clear because both people being discussed are women.  I am reasonably sure that the two "she"s refer to your grandma, and the "her" refers to your mom, but it is not grammatically clear.  It needs to be grammatically clear.  Here is my suggested revision, which converts the second clause into a phrase:  My Grandma always treated my mom as if she was not good enough, acting as if she was ashamed of her.  Converting the subject-verb she acted to the participial acting directly links the verb (act) to your grandma, and solves the or problem as well.  I hope this helps.

link comment answered Jun 19 '13 at 14:44 Shawn Mooney Expert
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Don't agree at all. There's no confusion about who is who in the sentence. I'm also not sure the participial modification is necessary. The conjunction 'or' is perfect too. Grandma acted in two ways - this way or that way. To me, it is far more sensible to simply use subjunctives - 'as if she were not good enough' (but she actually WAS good enough); 'as if she were ashamed'(but she was only acting in this manner). Context is king, and that's how I read this context.

link comment answered Jun 19 '13 at 22:16 Ahmad Barnard Expert

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