Can I take out 'the' before either of these words in this sentence? It doesn't read well to me

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My first sentence: "The microcosm of the department affects the macrocosm of the organization".

GRAMMERLY SUGGESTED CORRECTION: "Microcosm of the department affects the macrocosm of the organization"

See example:

"The microcosm of the department affects the macrocosm of the organization"
asked Jun 16 '13 at 17:20 Cori Hamilton New member

3 answers


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I agree - the noun microcosm needs to be preceded by an article, in this case "The".

 

By the way, it's Grammarly.

link comment answered Jun 16 '13 at 17:33 Michael Cranfield Expert
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Michael  is correct - "the" is needed to begin your sentence.

 

But the sentence is still a bit awkward and wordy. Two issues stri,e me.  The repeated prepositional phrase -- of the ... contributes to the wordiness. Could you say "The departmental microcosm ... to the organizational macrocosm"?  Even then, the pairing of microcosm with department and macrocosm with organization is still wordy. Essentially, you are say the small affects the big two. Could you pare this down -- perhaps by dropping macrocsm.

 

I hope this helps.

link comment answered Jun 16 '13 at 18:11 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow
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This sounds like a motivational or promotional sentence - which sometimes allows us to throw the rules out the door. As such, I think it sounds just right - including all four instances of "the." My only correction is to move the last word inside the quote. Cori, your example is fine by me - and I think it's a good business quote – one to hang on the wall after a graphic artists spiffs-up the fonts and adds a border. (BTW, it's also true.)

link comment answered Jun 17 '13 at 03:02 Brother Dave Contributor

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