last Saturday night a couple came home at midnight to find their houses had been robbed Dave and Janet Jones had left home at 6pm to go to have dinner with friends .when they got home the back door had been smashed ,and money and jewelry had been stolen .Mrs Jones told police she had seen a man who had been acting suspiciously in the area days before the robbery .a man answering her d description was later arrested.put the events into chronological order
If you are to write in strict chronological order, you have a problem with the first sentence. As you have written this, you have a good lead sentence: it hooks the reader and previews the events. However, it is not strictly chronologically ordered. To depict events absolutely chronologically, the Joneses would leave, then come home to find their home invaded. You also have some mechanical errors to correct before you submit this piece.
|link comment||edited Jun 08 '13 at 18:12 Katherine Patrick New member|
Corrections first (ADMIN: I wish we could break graphs/lines, perhaps a hint on how to do that or whether the use of HTML code is permissible): The word "last" is obvious and can be deleted; "a couple" is singular so "the house" must agree (also be singular); robbery is stealing from an individual when the robbed individual is present; you should use the correct form of the verb "to burgle" or "burglary." In this case "burgled" is correct. I don't know if it is a quirk of your computer but punctuation, <<such as this,>> immediately follows the last letter of the preceding word. There are better words than smashed but I'll leave it. Your re-write: "Dave and Janet Jones were dining with friends from 6pm Saturday until Midnight. They arrived home to find the back door smashed and their house burgled. Money and jewelry was missing. Mrs. Jones told police that, in the days preceding the burglary, she had seen a suspicious-looking man in the area. Police later arrested a man who matched Mrs. Jones' description."
|link||answered Jun 09 '13 at 02:07 Brother Dave Contributor|
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