Is this sentence correct?

0

First we make a list. We take a wallet and we walk to the store.Next thing we get a shopping cart.Then we put the food in our cart.After we got the entire list, we pay for our food.When we our done, we walk back to home.

asked Jun 02 '13 at 05:23 Maki New member

1 answer


2

Maki-san,

 

There are several problems with your paragraph, but it is also obvious that you worked very hard on it.  I hope I can help you fix these problems:

 

we:  Who is 'we'?  Are you writing about what two or more people (a husband and wife, for example) do routinely?  If so, we is correct.  But if you are writing instructions about what another person or other people need to do, you is better.

 

First we make: You need a comma after the sentence adverb: First, we...

 

a wallet:  Using articles in English is so difficult, ne?  It is strange to use a here because it means "any wallet".  Using the possessive pronoun our sounds much better.  And if it is two or more people, they probably each have their own wallets so it should be our wallets.  

 

and we walk: It is not a mistake to repeat we (we take....we walk) in this sentence, but it sounds better if you delete the 2nd time:  We take our wallets and walk to the store.

 

Next thing:  The correct phrase is the next thing, but the sentence adverb next is the best choice here:  Next, we get a...

 

cart.Then:   You need a space after the period: cart. Then

 

However, another way to improve your writing is to join two short sentences into one, longer one:  Next, we get a shopping cart and put...

 

put the food: There isn't any big problem here, but I think put our groceries sounds more natural.  Usually, when people go grocery shopping they buy things other than food, for example, dish soap or toilet paper or....  Groceries covers all of those items, and food: put our groceries...

 

our cart.After: Again, you need a space after the period. Also, now that I have joined the two sentences, it sounds better than repeating our cartit. After

 

After we got the entire list: Notice that you have used the past-tense verb got here, and all of your other verbs are simple present, showing a routine. Also it does not sound natural to "get the list".  This is how to say it: After we get everything on our list... or After we have got everything on our list... or After getting everything on our list...

 

our food: See my comments, above: our groceries...

 

we our done: Maybe you were a little sleepy when you wrote that sentence.  What do you think the problem is?  You need the verb are, not the possessive pronoun our: we are done...

 

back to home:  The word home in this sentence looks like a noun, but actually it is an adverb. So using the preposition to is a mistake: back home.  (Other words like this, that look like nouns but are adverbs, are: downtown, abroad, upstairs, downstairs

 

First, we make a list. We take our wallets and walk to the store. Next, we get a shopping cart and put our groceries in it. After we get everything on the list, we pay for our groceries. When we are done, we walk back home.

link comment answered Jun 02 '13 at 07:46 Shawn Mooney Expert

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