Modal verbs and length
How can this sentence be less wordy yet still retain the idea.
"The increased speed of scientific and technological development" (Rabinovich & Morton, 2012, p. 992), advancements in communications (Franzen, 2012; Franzen, Weingart, & Rödder, 2012), and the increasing pace of peer-reviewed publications may leave the general public may feeling "along for the ride" (Grotzer et al., 2012, p. 27).
"The increased speed of scientific and technological development" ), advancements in communications ), and the increasing pace of peer-reviewed publications may leave the general public may feeling "along for the ride" .
First of all, your sentence is a summary, and you should have discussed these three main points in detail earlier in your text. It is not good form to quote from secondary sources, especially when the words you are quoting are really ordinary phrases, in a summary sentence such as this. The place to quote from secondary sources would be in the detailed explanations previously provided in your text.
There is one grammar mistake: may leave the general public may feeling "along for the ride". The second may has to be deleted. Also, I am not crazy about using the idiom "along for the ride" here. It doesn't sound precise enough, and quite casual for an academic text. If you are along for the ride, it can mean either than you are participating in something just to have fun, or you are participately passively. You obviously intend the second meaning, I would assume, but there is definitely a better, more precise way to say it.
Here is my suggested revision:
The rapidity of scientific and technological developments, advancements in communication, and the plethora of peer-reviewed publications may leave the general public feeling passive, intimidated, and overwhelmed.
|link||answered Jun 02 '13 at 08:34 Shawn Mooney Expert|
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