rephrasing the sentence
How should I re-phrase this sentence?
I also have another question: won't this effect my plagarism detector at UCAS? P.S: this is my UCAS personal statement
On top of that, I enjoy watching stand ups of George Carlin, and I admire his straightforward critique of the society and of the politicians; a characteristic he shares with Ahmed Matar as well as Malcolm X, whom I also have huge respect to.
It's a little wordy; I'd break it up into two sentences.
Also, please note:
- Instead of "stand ups of George Carlin," use the phrase "the standup of George Carlin."
- You don't need the article "the" in front of "society" and "politicians," because you're not calling out specific societies and politicians -- just society and politicians in general.
- A comma, rather than a semicolon, is called for after "politicians."
- You can shorten "as well as" to "and" to reduce wordiness.
- The idiom is "respect for," not "respect to."
On top of that, I enjoy watching the standup of George Carlin. I admire his straightforward critique of society and of politicians, a characteristic he shares with Ahmed Matar and Malcolm X, whom I also have huge respect for.
|link comment||answered May 01 '13 at 14:43 Actually Holly Expert|
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