Concise sentence structure

0

How can this sentence be rewritten in fewer words?

 

If one were to measure the joy that is reciprocated when a gift of love is given, all a person would have had to do is look into the faces of volunteers as they returned from distributing gifts of love from the event that took place last Wednesday.

run-on wordy asked Apr 24 '13 at 15:50 Editor J New member

2 answers


1

I would break it up into two sentences.  One to describe the action (distributing gifts last at last Wednesday’s event) and the other to describe the reciprocated joy they felt by participating. You can tighten up the event that took place last Wednesday with last Wednesday’s event.

 

The volunteers returned from distributing gifts of love at last Wednesday’s event.  Their smiling faces expressed the immeasurable joy they received from giving. 

link comment answered Apr 24 '13 at 16:13 Patty T Grammarly Fellow
1

Here's a shorter version that I tried to keep close to your meaning:

 

To see the true joy that comes from giving, all you'd have to do is look into the faces of the volunteers as they returned from distributing gifts of love after last Wednesday's events.

link comment answered Apr 24 '13 at 16:22 Actually Holly Expert

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