I don't know what is wrong with this phrase.
A professor of mine does not accept this sentence because she says that contains many errors. I believe it has none.
The point guard Jeremy Lin scored five of the Rockets’ 23 triple shots, who, therefore, equaled the record achieved by the Orlando Magic in January 13, 2009, in triumph over the Sacramento Kings (139-107).
Your professor is correct. I don’t know anything about basketball so others may revise some of my vocabulary. But I do know a thing or two about grammar, and so does your professor.
23 / twenty-three
Single-digit numerals (such as 5/five) should be spelled out, and when a sentence contains single-digit and double-digit (example: 23) digit numbers, all should be spelled out.
, who, therefore, equaled / that tied
Who cannot modify the name of a sports team. Therefore does not make any sense because the fact that Lin scored 5 triple shots did not cause the Rockets to tie the Magic’s record. Tied is more natural than equaled. The commas need to be deleted because the revised phrase beginning with that tied… is a defining relative clause that correctly modifies shots.
in January 13, 2009 / on January 13, 2009
In + month; on + exact date.
The point guard Jeremy Lin scored five of the Rockets’ twenty-three triple shots that tied the record achieved by the Orlando Magic on January 13, 2009 in triumph over the Sacramento Kings (139-107).
|link||edited Apr 19 '13 at 12:53 Shawn Mooney Expert|
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