I need a correction to these texts

0

For autosomal dominant conditions, the term “carrier” is often used in a less formal manner to denote people who have inherited the genetic predisposition conferred by the mutation.

See example:

However, if the mutation is autosomal recessive-that is, if the health effect of the mutation is caused only when two copies of the mutated gene are inherited-mutation carriers (healthy people carrying one copy of the altered gene) may be relatively common in the general population.
asked Feb 17 '13 at 15:53 raed qaddourah New member

1 answer


2

You are trying to say too much in a single sentence. You use two parenthetical phrases, one set off with em-dashes and the other by a parenthesis pair, to expalin you meaning. It would be better to spread your definitions across a paragraph of text so that no sentence has more than one parenthetical.

 

"That is", in the context of introducing a parenthetical that is already set off by an em-dash, is wordy and redundant. Consider deleting.

 

Consider rewording "the health effect of the mutation" to be more concise. The prepositional phrase "of the mutation" might be deleted as being redudant in the context of the sentence. Or, turn the prepositional phrase into a simple adjective -- "the mutation's effect."

 

Considering deleting "of the altered gene" as being redundant in the context of the sentence.

 

I hope this helps.

link comment answered Feb 17 '13 at 19:20 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

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