help me proofread
A Land Without Guns
I believe that gun laws in Japan are the best out of all countries and every country should have the same laws as Japan. Another name for Japan is “a land without guns” just because of how this country has virtually eliminated shooting deaths. If you compare Japan with the United States, there would be a huge difference in gun deaths and homicides each year. Almost no one in Japan can legally own a gun, not even handguns; which makes it almost impossible to have gun deaths. Japan is one of the least firearm-filled nations with the strictest gun laws.
Japan is preventing almost all forms of firearm ownership. Unlike the US, it has as few as two gun-related homicides a year. Barely anyone in Japan owns a gun; most kinds are illegal, with onerous restrictions on buying and keeping the guns that are allowed. The only guns that Japanese citizens can legally buy and use are shotguns and air rifles, and it's really hard to just get one. Compared to the US, almost everyone can legally own a gun; and there are about 32000 gun deaths a year! America's gun control laws are the loosest in the developed world, and that’s why its rate of homicides each year is the highest.
In order to get a gun in Japan, first, you have to attend an all day class and pass a written test, which are held once per month. You must take and pass a shooting range class. Then, you have to go to a hospital for a mental test and drug test. Finally, pass a strict background check for any criminal record or extremist groups, and you will be able to purchase your shotgun or air rifle. You also have to provide police with documents on the specific location of the gun and ammo in your home, and both must be locked and stored separately. Therefore, you still need to have the police do a check the gun once per year and to re-take the class and exam every three years.
Similar to Japan, the UK is also one of the countries that have the strictest gun laws. In order to hold a gun, you must normally hold either a Shotgun Certificate or a Firearm Certificate. But comparing to the US, the crime, privacy, and police powers are so different. In 2008, when America had over 12000 gun deaths and murders, Japan only had 11; which is less than one of the mass shootings that often happen in the US. It’s impossible to fully isolate and compare the two gun control regiments. Japan’s policy can save thousands of lives when compared to some other countries, it comes at real costs.
It’s not America’s fault that they are producing more and more firearms. The reason why is that they couldn’t prevent all the guns when almost every citizen has their own firearms; so in order to give protection to those who don’t have guns and are afraid of being shot at, America is forced to produce more guns for the least deaths. Luckily, Japan stopped everyone from having a gun a long time ago, so now there is more control of the guns allowed in the country. The US president Barack Obama is struggling of the gun laws and wants to know everyone who has firearm and everyone who has not. The America is dealing with very poor gun controls.
Japan is such a generally peaceful country; it has the second strictest gun laws in the world. A country with no homicides and murders is a dream for a lot of people. Imagine if your child was in the Sandy Hook mass shootings in the US; wouldn’t it be painful? Everyone wants to have peace, and not live with fear; wouldn’t you want to have the same gun laws as Japan? If all countries have the same policy as Japan, there would be a difference and we will have a lot less violence in the whole world!!
I agree with Patty, and want to give you just one piece of advice. You have often used the participial phrase compared to [x] incorrectly in your essay. What follows this phrase (in the form [participial phrase], + [main clause], which is how you used it), the main clause must describe [y] in terms of its difference from [x].
For example, x = Canada - not much drug violence, and y = Mexico - a lot of drug violence. Compared to Canada, Mexico has a lot of drug violence.
In many of your sentences which use this construction, you have said things like Compared to Canada, it does not have much drug violence.
If you fix that problem in your essay, it would be a good first step. Good luck!
|link comment||edited Feb 16 '13 at 11:00 Shawn Mooney Expert|
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