english

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it says wordiness

See example:

I believe immigrants are portrayed by the media as potential criminals who are harmful to the country, because they are only brought up when it is newsworthy relating to drugs or gang violence.
asked Feb 13 '13 at 06:11 messi New member

1 answer


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Yes, it is quite wordy.  That means that you have a lot of words that don’t add meaning to the sentence. For instance, you don’t really need to explain that criminals are harmful to the country.  A country passes laws to protect the citizens from harm.  Those who break laws are criminal and are therefore harmful.  You also don’t have to tell the reader that the media reports on things that are viewed as newsworthy.  That should be obvious. 

 

Assuming you are talking about the US, your premise is a bit off.  It is only illegal aliens that are often viewed as criminals.  The US is a country built by immigrants.  Immigrants who enter and stay in the country legally are generally viewed as a welcome addition to society.  Illegal aliens are technically criminals the moment they enter the country illegally.  So, to say they are viewed as potential criminals is not accurate.  Events related to drug cartels and gang violence are newsworthy because they are dangerous to the viewers.  There are occasionally heart-warming human interest stories in the media about an illegal immigrant.  Those are hard to come by because the illegal immigrant is reluctant to be put in a public spotlight for fear of being deported.   

 

It is more accurate to say that all illegal immigrants are often viewed as potentially dangerous criminals because the media reports on violence surrounding gangs and drug cartels.

 

If you are writing an academic paper, remember to write in the third person perspective, not the first person. 

link comment answered Feb 13 '13 at 07:48 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

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