where to use punctuations correctly
To be able to accomplish these goals, a task force of influential individuals will be needed to go out educate and increase awareness of CVD in women in the communities.
Thanks for the question,
First of all, the infinitive-of-purpose phrase in order to accomplish these goals works better than to be able to accomplish these goals at the beginning of your sentence. It more clearly shows that what follows is the means for achieving that purpose. (The shorter infinitive-of-purpose phrase to accomplish these goals would also work.)
Secondly, influential persons is rather vague. Do you mean experts? If so, that is more precise. Or maybe the best term in this context is educators, although it is best to avoid using educators with the verb educate. Until I know more context, I am going to stick with experts.
Next, with go out, you need and before educate. However, the phrase go out and educate sounds quite informal; how about conduct community-based education instead? (This change will require the deletion of in the communities, which was a problem anyway.)
Next, do you really mean to distinguish between (using my new phrase) conduct community-based education and increase awareness of CVD in women? Are there other methodologies by which these goals will be accomplished, or is it limited to community-based education only? If there are others, and increase is okay; if not, change it to that will increase.
Lastly, the phrase awareness of CVD in women is ambiguous. Do you mean that you want to increase (1) women's awareness of cardiovascular disease, or (2) everyone's awareness of cardiovascular disease in women? Using the preposition in makes it fairly clear that you intend meaning #2, but to be absolutely clear, I would suggest the following, inclusive revision: awareness of women's risk of cardiovascular disease.
With all of these changes, here is my suggested revision (and you will have to choose between and/that will based on my comments above):
In order to accomplish these goals, a task force of experts will be needed to conduct community-based education and/that will increase awareness of women's risk of cardiovascular disease.
I hope this helps.
|link comment||answered Feb 10 '13 at 12:56 Shawn Mooney Expert|
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