Please correct my sentence.

2

I am writing a story and MS-WORD  showing grammar mistake to this. Could any help me with explanation.

 

An aged man of age around 50-55 who escapes from his BOSS to attend his unknown son’s marriage.

 

Thank you

asked Feb 02 '13 at 15:34 Sndp New member

6 answers


2

If you are going to mention the age range of the man, you don't need to call him aged. I don't know anyone in that age range who would be considered "aged". If you are writing the story, pick an age for the man or call him middle-aged.

Boss should not be in all caps, or even capitalized. Did he really escape? If he doesn't know he has a son, how does he know the kid is getting married? You attend a wedding or a marriage ceremony, not a marriage. You seem to be trying to tell an entire story in one sentence, but it isn't even a complete sentence. Make several sentences and add some information about each part.

link edited Feb 02 '13 at 17:32 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

I added after this sentence. This is the basic plot of the story. Shouldn't I write like this just to give an idea about the story.

Thank you

SndpFeb 04 '13 at 18:05

Reply on your comment to Sanjay :

I did write BOSS because I haven't named that character. The story is something like the middle-aged man who breaks up with his girl friend and meets her after 25 years, so he doesn't know that he has a son.Hope you understand the concept.

SndpFeb 04 '13 at 18:13

Yes understand it now because you have more to say about the person. The character I think still doesn't need to have a name. Rephrasing it depends on what your looking for or want to make changes on. But I see where you going with it. It's okay now to me.

Cathrina PalomoFeb 06 '13 at 09:27

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1

An elderly man, around fifty- five-years old,   escapes from his Boss to attend his unknown son’s marriage ceremony.

link answered Feb 03 '13 at 06:45 sanjay Expert

Sanjay, I don't know about your culture, but, in the US anyone who is 55 years old would be quite insulted to be called elderly. Boss is not a proper noun. "Unknown son" still doesn't make sense - if the man does not know he has a son, he wouldn't know the son is getting married.

Patty TFeb 03 '13 at 12:55

I am definitely not eldery or aged -- although after spending time with my friends' teenage offspring, I am quite aware of the gap between us.

Jeff PribylFeb 04 '13 at 01:18

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0

An aged man of age around 50-55 who escapes from his BOSS to attend his unknown son’s marriage.

 

 

Other appropriate ways may be as follows:

 

There are men between the ages of 50-55 years old who try to get away from their bosses to attend other family matters.  (There is no need to explain about the son's situation)

link answered Feb 03 '13 at 00:30 Cathrina Palomo New member

Thank you for the reply. My main theme is about a man escapes from his BOSS(I did capitalize this because I haven't named the boss) to attend his son's marriage about him the man doesn't know anything except he is getting married.

SndpFeb 04 '13 at 18:07

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When explaining about a simple request like finding ways to take leave from work is just to the point.  One does not have to mention the reason's in detail.  If the requesting party has to explain there reason's you may want to check up with someone in the EEO office to clarify if there are any written state wide policies and procedures in place.  

link answered Feb 03 '13 at 00:38 Cathrina Palomo New member

INVASION OF PRIVACY RIGHTS

Cathrina PalomoFeb 03 '13 at 00:43

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I think so too.  It's how it was worded.

link comment answered Feb 06 '13 at 09:28 Cathrina Palomo New member
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An aged man of around 50-55 years escapes from his BOSS to attend his unknown son's marriage.

It's telling you to check the grammar because it is a fragment. Getting rid of "who" fixes that, and rewording the part about his age makes it easier to understand. :)

link comment answered Feb 03 '13 at 16:43 Melissa Jones New member

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