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Can anyone help me with this sentence

See example:

Gilly lad a very desolate childhood, until she got a visit from someone like the fairy godmother in Cinderella, who was actually her mother's cousin Geillis.
asked Jan 31 '13 at 20:32 Noelle Meiers New member

1 answer


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You are writing about the plot of Mary Stewart's novel Thornyhold.  I had to Google some other book reviews to understand what you are trying to stay.

 

Gilly's cousin Geillis visited her occasionally when Gilly was a child.  Your sentence makes it sound as if it was a single visit.  Geillis did remind Gilly of a fairy godmother, but your sentence is too vague on this point.

 

Given the fact that Gilly lived with two parents who had a relatively happy marriage, very desolate sounds too strong to describe her childhood.

 

I suggest the following revision:

 

Gilly had a lonely childhood, except for the occasional visits of her mother's cousin Geillis.  Geillis seemed like a fairy godmother to her.

link comment answered Feb 01 '13 at 01:47 Shawn Mooney Expert

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