How would you re-word this sentence adding a comma but keeping the information.
will use stalkings instead of hoes.
No longer will the department continually have to take the time to order and purchase cold gel packs that have been punctured or taken home by patients or order an additional pair of compression hoes because the patient has lost or damaged the first pair.
The first thing you need to know, Marcy is that a hoe is a gardening instrument, and stalking is creepily following another person around. A patient uses a pair of compression hose or stockings. Since the plural of hose (hoses) sounds awkward, I agree that stockings is the better word to use.
When you say that the department will no longer have to take the time to, that leaves room for the option to continue doing so. It’s also wordy. You can easily remove the take the time to part, and possibly the entire phrase. Without more context, I’m not sure. The word continually already indicates that there is some repetitive activity going on, and that takes up time. You are expressing that there are two activities, ordering and purchasing. Unless you really need to distinguish that one employee is taking time to order and someone in accounting is taking time to pay the bill, one or the other will suffice. Explaining twice that the reason for the repetitive activity is because of damage or loss by patients is also wordy.
The department will no longer need to order gel packs or compression stockings each time a patient damages, loses, or forgets theirs.
I hope this doesn't change your meaning. Using the word each shows that the activity isn't occasional. If you need to further show how much time is being saved, I would put that in a separate sentence.
|link comment||answered Dec 13 '12 at 01:22 Patty T Grammarly Fellow|
Hero of the day
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